visits with relatives

turtle | Prague | Wednesday, June 26th, 2002

So Mom and Dad have come and gone. If I can pierce the bubble of sadness I have been in since they left, I will give you some of the highlights of the trip:

- Luggage: Air France sucks. And to demonstrate this they failed to transfer Mom and Dad’s luggage from the airplane coming from New York to the airplane going to Prague. They then continued this demonstration by failing to know or communicate any true information about whether the bags would ever be transferred to any airplane coming to Prague. The result of this was that Mom and Dad were without their luggage for the first twelve hours of their stay in Prague. Not so bad, but irritating after traveling all night on an airplane in the midst of an enormous family with thousands of vocal and energetic children.

- Cell phone: Peter and I thought ourselves extremely clever. We borrowed a cell phone from our friend Anton so Mom and Dad would always have some way of contacting us if we were separated. We then programmed the phone so there would be very few instructions to remember. We do not think my parents completely incapable of learning a new cell phone in a week but where there is no will, there is no way. So we arranged that they would only have to remember which button to press to ANSWER the phone, which button to press to HANG UP the phone, and which ONE button to press to CALL either Peter or me. I can’t say they were particularly happy even about being given a cell phone and they immediately caught on that we had dumbed down the phone for them. They were amused about this, but they really didn’t want the phone. As it turned out, however, they never needed it as we only had one occasion in which we were separated - and that for only a few minutes.

- Flying cat hair: As you may know, Dad is allergic to cats. Therefore, staying for over a week in a small apartment with four cats was something of a risk. Peter and I thoroughly cleaned and vacuumed everything in the apartment in an effort to eradicate all hairs not physically connected to a cat. This included brushing and vacuuming the mattress in the guest room, all chairs, carpets, and sofas, and sweeping and mopping all floors. Once this was done, the doors to the guest room were shut and no cats were allowed inside. When Dad finally arrived, we were very glad to see that our efforts had paid off. He had no problems with his allergies. That is, he had no problems until I got it into my head about a week into the visit that too many cat hairs had already accumulated in the house. I got out the vacuum cleaner and proceeded (I thought) to make things even better for him - but really ended up transferring enough cat hairs from their places of rest into the air that he had to take an allergy pill almost immediately.

- Just One More Beer: As you are aware if you have been following the updates, persuasion is an art form in Prague and none are immune. One of the most intense forms of persuasion, as you know, centers around The Last Tram. However, when it is clear that the parties involved (such as my parents) possess great will power and have absolutely no intention of having as many beers as it would take to pass enough time to even broach the topic of The Last Tram, the target of the art is downgraded to Just One More Beer. Mom and Dad experienced and admirably acquitted themselves in this arena. Their chief tempter was usually Peter - and he was very persuasive! When it is your job to persuade, you must use every circumstance at your disposal, such as “your luggage isn’t here yet, so you can’t go to sleep. You might as well have one beer,” “I know you’ve been to a pub already, but you’ve never been to a non-stop”, “it’s your first night,” “it’s really early - it is not yet 10 pm,” “it’s your second night,” “it’s so beautiful out tonight, we can go for a nice walk and stop by the pub on the way home,” “it’s your third night”… and so on.

- Watching ants: Dad became an expert ant watcher. As you know we previously had a problem with ants in the apartment. Now, thank God, we do not. However, we have come to realize that we are in the vicinity of a great ant kingdom, which has its center, as far as we have been able to deduce, on our roof. Therefore, there can constantly be seen on the wall of our balcony a stream of Upward-going and Downward-going ants. Dad, who spent some serious observation time watching this wall, now knows more than any living being about the habits and patterns of the ants. Please direct your inquiries to him.

I realize after reading through this terrible attempt at highlights that while I have created an extremely long account I have given you almost nothing about my parents visit or about Prague. It is too bad, as I haven’t even broached the topic of the great storms and flooding river, the hot hot days, the defenistrations, the histories of Prague or the loud birds. Although I feel that even if I did, you would not have a much more substantive knowledge of my parents’ visit or of Prague.

So I will try this: It was a really great 10 days. We toodled (I think this is a word, and if it is not it should be) all over Prague mostly visiting either historical sites or pubs. We saw churches and castles and even one little town outside of Prague. We spent our days sight-seeing in the morning, resting in the afternoon and walking around the city in the evening. I think Mom and Dad drank more beer here in a week than they have in the last five years. But there is nothing for it - not only is beer in Prague extremely tasty, it is also the cheapest beverage around (yes, yes, even cheaper than water). They also ate very well. Not only did we take them to our favorite restaurants but Peter also cooked up a storm. He made Russian pancakes, liver pate, a kind of eggplant stew, and put together all kinds of other fillings for them. It was one of the best meals ever and everyone was completely stuffed when all the pancakes were gone.
[Disclaimer: if this e-mail reads as though we were drinking beer all the time, it is not true. We were just drinking it sometimes.]

for inquiring minds

turtle | Prague, Cats | Saturday, June 8th, 2002

READER’S ADVISORY: THE FOLLOWING E-MAIL DEALS WITH TOPICS OTHER THAN THOSE YOU MIGHT WISH TO EXPLORE AT YOUR DINNER TABLE. DO NOT READ IF EATING. DO NOT READ UNLESS INTERESTED IN LEARNING INTIMATELY ABOUT THE ELIMINATION HABITS OF CATS. NO OTHER IMPORTANT INFORMATION IS CONTAINED HERE BELOW.

The fact must be that having four cats in the Czech Republic is not normal. Peter and I have been having the greatest problems finding a cat litter which will support the waste of our four co-resident shitting machines. This may not seem on the surface like an important problem - and I guess it depends on whether you would be content to live in a house that continually smells like cat shit. But, Peter and I are not content to live this way - so we have been struggling against the implacable void of quality cat litters in the Czech Republic.

When we arrived here at Boleslavova 28, we were very much pleased that our apartment provided an almost ideal place to put the cat litter - at the end of our hallway of closets. It is out of the way of guests. No one has to sit on the toilet or shower in a bathroom that smells faintly (or not so faintly) of cat excrement. Cat litter will not stick to the bottom of your feet when you step out of the shower. There is a fairly long hallway area that can help prevent the spread of cat litter to the rest of the house. And finally, there is a vent right above the cat litter providing ventilation for the area.(Later found to blow air in just such a way as to create a permanent cloud of cat excrement odor around the kitchen table.) However, it was not long until we understood without good cat litter none of these things matter in the least.

A little about cat litter: Initially I thought there were two basic kinds, clumping and non-clumping. Clumping cat litter means that you fill the litter box with cat litter and each day you can scoop out all the clumps (which include everything your cat does in the litter box) - so that the litter stays fresh for months. Every now and then you have to add some litter to keep the level high enough. Then about every 3, 4 or even 6 months you clean the whole box and add completely new litter. Non-clumping litter means that you have to empty and clean the whole box regularly (on an interval depending entirely on how many cats you have - with four cats that interval comes VERY often).

However, now I have discovered that there is a third kind: Bad Clumping Cat Litter. Bad clumping cat litter does not clump - or at least it does but only for the first two days. This means that when you try to remove a clump from the box, it breaks apart releasing a burst of odor which takes your breath away. Once the clump is no longer a clump it is impossible to fully remove it from the box. So the urine soaked granules that you cannot remove join the thousands of other urine soaked granules that you were unable to remove previously and, being heavier that the rest, settle at bottom of the litter box eventually forming an entire layer of urine soaked granules. This layer simply lays and waits for the next cat paw or litter scoop to disturb it so that it may joyously send forth its odor to the world. If left for too long, this layer begins to throb on its own sending forth a constant stream of odor day and night. At this point, if you try to scoop anything from the box, it is literally difficult to breath - as the odor physically hurts your throat and nostrils.

I believe that Peter and I have tried every variety of bad clumping cat litter on sale in the Czech Republic. Today we gave up and bought non-clumping litter. Maybe… maybe… it will be better but its first 30 minutes have not been terribly promising.

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